A hiatus averted

I've been away for almost a month now, and feel refreshed and renewed and ready to dive head-first back into that political beast that so enraptures us all. So, first and foremost, special thanks to Lar for keeping this train afloat. Can you keep trains afloat? She must have a barge. Or an inflatable train.

As I jump back into the political season of our youth, I find nothing to be very excited about. I guess the good news is that things have again heated up in Iraq - people are dying, families are uprooted, oil profits are disappearing - so, this should put us in a good position for more healthy debate this spring, summer, & fall about the Middle East and our collective role there. That should be fun. W has quite a legacy awaiting him.

As Johnny sits back and tosses the occassional gallon of lighter fluid into the fire, chuckling all the way, the Democratic Primary season continues in seeming perpetuity. With Barack holding a commanding lead in the pledged delegate count, Hillary's best idea is for him to concede the race and become her Veep candidate. Are these the kinds of brilliant ideas that she's going to employ once in office? She has a staunch, loyal following that keeps her ego fed and her aspirations in tact, so we should have another few good months at watching the two spar before he finally secures the nomination in Denver.

Barack, for his part, has found it in him to stand by his man. Well, mostly. Tammy Wynette would be proud, anyway. But, as the country songstress well found out, sometimes you just have to let your legendary alcoholic husband go burden somebody else for awhile. Such is the case for Barack, as he now must find a way to love his man, and yet distance himself as far as possible from the drunken rages that have erupted. Think Al Gore in the wake of Monica. No, on second thought, that didn't work out very well for Al.

In the good news department, the United States officially suffered its 2,100th military death at the hands of weapons that we sold to the Iraqis back in the mid-80s. We're not sure what the overall allied death at the hands of weapons that we sold to the Iraqis back in the mid-80s total is, as U.S. contractor and non-U.S. troops aren't particularly relevant. Meanwhile, if things heat up in Iran a little more, we could be setting out on a new adventure in counting U.S. deaths at the hands of weapons that we sold to the Iranians back in the early-to-mid-80s. Fingers crossed, Johnny. This one could be yours, too.

I don't feel very well, and am therefore a little cynical today. Perhaps it's because, even in the midst of their encompassing madness, the words of Obama's man contain more truth than we might ever want to admit. We're prostitutes, we're mercinaries, and we're ultimately driven by an ego that would make Texas blush. I'm not saying that we're any worse than any of the other super powers that the world has known, but it sure is interesting to observe. I'm going to go back to eating my Hot Pocket, in the abject fear that it might end up coming back up in 20 minutes. Now, to figure out if this nausea is induced by biological, chemical, or political agents.

Perissodactylae

I recently realized that I am very uninformed when it comes to the donkey's family. It's not that I've completely ignored opportunities for zooligical learning in my lifetime, it's simply that I haven't paid much attention when those opportunities were placed in front of me. So I googled the donkey on Wikipedia. In learning myself on the donkey's family, I realized that my readership would likely also like to be learned on the subject. Now, I proceed.

The donkey is a member of the order Perissodactyla, more commonly referred to as odd-toed ungulates. I'm sure that your reaction is as mine was, that the collective number of toes on the animal must equate to an odd number. That, or my alternate theory, that their toes are simply odd-shapen. But, you're wrong. In fact, they're referred to as odd-toed because they have an odd number of toes on each individual hoof. For instance, 1. Perhaps, 5. More commonly, 3. Assuming your neighborhood perissodactyl has four legs, as is apparently common among land mammals, you can perform the simple math and come to the conclusion that he or she has an even number of toes, likely 12 (donkeys have 4). And, like me, you're thinking that they should really be called even-toed ungulates, because who cares about each individual hoof - I'm concerned with the whole of the being. But, apparently there are other ungulates that are referred to as even-toed ungulates, which means that ungulates like ours cannot be called even-toed ungulates, and that they must inaccurately be labeled as odd-toed ungulates. Don't get me started on labels. Are you following me?

Perhaps the more interesting identifying characteristic of perissodactylae is in their tummies. Instead of digesting plant cellulose in their stomachs, they digest plant cellulose in their intestines. In other words, they are hindgut fermenters. Other ungulates, like cows and hippos, are foregut fermenters. I don't know what all of this means, but I think it has something to do with how they make doo doo.

There's a bunch of other stuff on the Wikipedia page about their development, their habitats, their dead ancestors, their social structures, their dominant characteristics, but I suspect that if I wrote it your mind would be wandering by the end. Instead, I'll simply list them, and include some cool pictures.

The following perissodactylae are from the suborder Hippomorpha. I know what you're thinking - "pictures of hippos!" But, get this: the suborder Hippomorpha does not include hippopotamuses. "How did it get its name," you ask? No clue.

Perissodactyla hippomorpha:

- Przewalski's Horse

- Domestic, or Wild, Horse

- Donkey, or African Ass

- Onager, or Asiatic Ass (not to be confused with the post-classical Roman siege engine, though the latter is the namesake of the former)

- Kiang, or Tibetan Wild Ass

- Plains Zebra

- Cape Mountain Zebra

- Hartmann's Mountain Zebra

- Grevy's Zebra

Have you heard the rumor that Mr. Ed was actually played by a zebra, but that the color distinction wasn't apparent to the end viewer because the show was filmed in panchromatic tones? It's not true, I just wondered if you've heard it.

Onager, resting on dirt

The rest of the perissodactylae are from the suborder Ceratomorpha, and either the family Tapiridae or Rhinocerotidae. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Perissodactyla ceratomorpha:

- Brazilian Tapir

- Mountain Tapir

- Baird's Tapir

- Malayan Tapir

- Black Rhinoceros

- White Rhinoceros

- Indian Rhinoceros

- Javan Rhinoceros

- Sumatran Rhinoceros

Javan Rhinoceros, chewing

A few important words about perissodactylae doo doo:

As I mentioned earlier, the perissodactylae are distinguishable from other ungulates by their hindgut fermenters. Once their food has been digested, it "is stored in a pouch-like extension of the small intestines called the caecum." Did you know that you likely have a caecum? Yes sir, yes sir, the human caecum is adjacent to the appendix. Of course, the appendix is the organ that has the important function of funding your surgeon's kid's apartment rent payments while they're studying at Brown. But, I digest. The caecum in herbivores, such as our friends the perissodactylae, are rather large, and host a number of bacteria. These "bacteria aid in the enzymatic breakdown of plant materials," such as stems and petals and bark. Later on, doo doo appears.

All information and quotes attributable directly to Wikipedia, then to a variety of other sources which may or may not be identified on said Wikipedia pages.

democrapublicans unite!

I'm not thrilled that Tahoma is not one of my font options. You would think that Google has the manpower to make that possible. They're too busy trying to perfect their mind-control methodology, which is a really fantastic idea of which I personally benefit greatly!

This blog, in its infancy, is a platform for sharing the clever graphics of the newly formed "democrapublican Party". All graphics are property of this blogger, please use liberally (or conservatively, if you prefer) and extend credit where due (or "doo").

Enjoy!

The original, simple democrapublican graphic:

The subsequent, less appropriate, more complicated graphic:

Just for our South Carolina patrons, in time for your day in the moonlight: