As I mentioned in a previous dictation, the local zoo here has a family of African elephants. As it happens, one must pass by the giraffe licking exhibit, the meerkats, and maybe a few other animals that nobody remembers, before making it back to where the elephants reside. By this point, I'm usually so worn out from retrieving the three-year-old that I just meld into the hippopotamus benches, while everyone else watches the elephants being elephants.
All this is to say that the local African elephants are actually African Bush Elephants (Loxodonta africana). The more I think about it, the more grateful I am that our zoo opted to acquire these elephants - because of their street cred.
I think most people are familiar with Asian elephants (Elephas maximus), also known as "Indian elephants," or "not African elephants." You simply take one look at them - the rounded backs, the smallish facial features (you call those ears?), the oddly abundant toes, the inability to sustain eye contact, the freakish single trunk-finger, the weird gray skin color, the inability to both drive a car and focus on driving a car simulaneously, the males' much smaller trunks, the girls that usually don't even have tusks. To say the least, Asian elephants are inferior in every way to their African cousins.
What most don't know, even many in the industry, is that the African Forest Elephant (Loxodonta cyclotis) is a fraud, too. The slang term is "halfsie". Let me learn you on this topic, so you'll know what I know, because I know all about it.
You see, one day a very large bull African Bush Elephant (3.85m tall at the shoulder) caught a flight to some south Asian island. He was chillin' on the beach, hanging with some of his righteous cattle peeps, when a little cow Asian elephant sauntered by on her moped. She certainly caught Big Al's eye, with her little boom boom, tusklessness, and big, blue eyes. He was so intrigued by her that he trumpeted the climax of the 1812 Overture in her direction while he stomped his big elephant feet and crashed his big African elephant ear cymbals in time. This is the ultimate elephant pick-up line. Long story short, they got married, hooked up, had a little boy, got divorced, and Big Al moved back in with his parents.
So the little boy, we'll call him "Ele-Bama", lives his whole life feeling very much like an African elephant. Compared to all of his contemparies, his ears are bigger, his trunk is two-fingered, even his trumpeting has a little more rhythm and a deeper, more bellowing sound to it. This serves him well as he travels around the world growing up, learning about different cultures and religions, meeting a diverse company of animals, attending the best schools, and becoming a prominent elephant attorney. Before long, he finds his way into regional and ultimately national elephant contests, and is even thrust into the race to see who is going to be the elephant of elephants (Asian category).
Then one day, an elephant pundit from Mumbai makes a startling observation. "Ele-Bama," he says, "is not a real African elephant. He has no legitimate African elephant credibility." And, the pundit was spot-on in his criticism. Compared to African Bush Elephants, Ele-Bama had a weird, gray skin tone. He had rounder, slightly smaller ears. He had those weird extra toes. He had straight, pink-tinged, downward-angled tusks. He was even smaller than a typical African Bush Elephant. And, perhaps most importantly, his family never experienced the radical treatment that has beset African elephants historically in all of Asia, particularly south Asia.
All this is to say that the local African elephants are actually African Bush Elephants (Loxodonta africana). The more I think about it, the more grateful I am that our zoo opted to acquire these elephants - because of their street cred.
I think most people are familiar with Asian elephants (Elephas maximus), also known as "Indian elephants," or "not African elephants." You simply take one look at them - the rounded backs, the smallish facial features (you call those ears?), the oddly abundant toes, the inability to sustain eye contact, the freakish single trunk-finger, the weird gray skin color, the inability to both drive a car and focus on driving a car simulaneously, the males' much smaller trunks, the girls that usually don't even have tusks. To say the least, Asian elephants are inferior in every way to their African cousins.
What most don't know, even many in the industry, is that the African Forest Elephant (Loxodonta cyclotis) is a fraud, too. The slang term is "halfsie". Let me learn you on this topic, so you'll know what I know, because I know all about it.
You see, one day a very large bull African Bush Elephant (3.85m tall at the shoulder) caught a flight to some south Asian island. He was chillin' on the beach, hanging with some of his righteous cattle peeps, when a little cow Asian elephant sauntered by on her moped. She certainly caught Big Al's eye, with her little boom boom, tusklessness, and big, blue eyes. He was so intrigued by her that he trumpeted the climax of the 1812 Overture in her direction while he stomped his big elephant feet and crashed his big African elephant ear cymbals in time. This is the ultimate elephant pick-up line. Long story short, they got married, hooked up, had a little boy, got divorced, and Big Al moved back in with his parents.
Big Al celebrates his score
So the little boy, we'll call him "Ele-Bama", lives his whole life feeling very much like an African elephant. Compared to all of his contemparies, his ears are bigger, his trunk is two-fingered, even his trumpeting has a little more rhythm and a deeper, more bellowing sound to it. This serves him well as he travels around the world growing up, learning about different cultures and religions, meeting a diverse company of animals, attending the best schools, and becoming a prominent elephant attorney. Before long, he finds his way into regional and ultimately national elephant contests, and is even thrust into the race to see who is going to be the elephant of elephants (Asian category).
Then one day, an elephant pundit from Mumbai makes a startling observation. "Ele-Bama," he says, "is not a real African elephant. He has no legitimate African elephant credibility." And, the pundit was spot-on in his criticism. Compared to African Bush Elephants, Ele-Bama had a weird, gray skin tone. He had rounder, slightly smaller ears. He had those weird extra toes. He had straight, pink-tinged, downward-angled tusks. He was even smaller than a typical African Bush Elephant. And, perhaps most importantly, his family never experienced the radical treatment that has beset African elephants historically in all of Asia, particularly south Asia.
An introspective Ele-Bama reflects during a campaign stop
So now, not only did Ele-Bama have to deal with the inherant racial bias that all African and partially African elephants face in portions of south Asia, but he also had to deal with claims that he was not a "legitimate" African elephant. And, frankly, he wasn't.
Now you know the origins of the African Forest Elephant: thought by many to be a real African elephant, but really just the bastard offspring of a horny African Bush Elephant and his temporary Asian lover.
Now you know the origins of the African Forest Elephant: thought by many to be a real African elephant, but really just the bastard offspring of a horny African Bush Elephant and his temporary Asian lover.
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