This is the twelfth consecutive year, and twenty-seventh overall, that I will share my reactions to the State of the Union Address. It has been long rumored that the late Peter Jennings would wait to read the democrapublican response before going on camera to offer any observations. You'll soon understand his reliance.
- This year, the TelePrompTer was operated by White House AV Club Vice President, Jeffrey Singleton, formerly the President of the AV Club at Mallard Creek High School in Charlotte, North Carolina. Go Mavericks! Way to represent, Jeffrey!
- President Bush wants the United States to reduce its dependence on oil. In an effort to expedite the process, George has flown Air Force One (yes, he's a pilot) to Riyadh sixteen times to meet personally with Sultan bin Abdul Aziz, the Saudi Crown Prince, attempting to determine whether or not there are any abundant Middle Eastern resources that may be used as alternative fuel sources. The leading possibilities right now are: palm oil, gold, silver, myrrh, and harnessing the latent heat of sand. In a rare improvisational moment, George shared the details of an exchange between the two leaders: "So, I said, 'Princy,' I call him Princy. I said, 'Princy, you seen the cost of a barrel of oil lately? Pretty outrageous?' 'Yes, George,' Princy said, 'I knew it must be so when my driver pulled up in a Rolls to drive me from my yacht's fifth level sun deck to dinner at the Four Seasons located next to the Virgin Room behind the bridge. Apparently, they replaced the entire yacht automobile fleet!' I just about died laughing, 'cause I remember those cramped Mercedes sedans they used to shuttle us in."
- Reaffirmed commitment to work towards reversing the growth of greenhouse gasses. Prediction: next year's Academy Award winning film-inspired action will be to remove all coinage from circulation, in order to limit the spread of Javier Bardem, friend-o.
- About Iraq, Bush laid the groundwork for a potential early fall 2008 invasion of Baghdad. The idea harkens back to the glory days of 2003 when the vast liberal media conspiracy vastly and liberally mediated their conspiratorial news stories by parroting the administration's foreign policy verbatim, in fact directly from the talking points distributed at the 1600 P.A. lemonade stand by Scooter Libby.
- Promised to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict by December 2008. He then started to re-tell his Sultan bin Abdul Aziz story, before Jeffrey got his attention and focused him back on the TelePrompTer.
If I seem sardonic in this post, it's just because my stomach is upset. Actually, I missed most of the speech as a result. By "most," I mean "all." But, I do sincerely apologize if I come across as skeptical.
- This year, the TelePrompTer was operated by White House AV Club Vice President, Jeffrey Singleton, formerly the President of the AV Club at Mallard Creek High School in Charlotte, North Carolina. Go Mavericks! Way to represent, Jeffrey!
- President Bush wants the United States to reduce its dependence on oil. In an effort to expedite the process, George has flown Air Force One (yes, he's a pilot) to Riyadh sixteen times to meet personally with Sultan bin Abdul Aziz, the Saudi Crown Prince, attempting to determine whether or not there are any abundant Middle Eastern resources that may be used as alternative fuel sources. The leading possibilities right now are: palm oil, gold, silver, myrrh, and harnessing the latent heat of sand. In a rare improvisational moment, George shared the details of an exchange between the two leaders: "So, I said, 'Princy,' I call him Princy. I said, 'Princy, you seen the cost of a barrel of oil lately? Pretty outrageous?' 'Yes, George,' Princy said, 'I knew it must be so when my driver pulled up in a Rolls to drive me from my yacht's fifth level sun deck to dinner at the Four Seasons located next to the Virgin Room behind the bridge. Apparently, they replaced the entire yacht automobile fleet!' I just about died laughing, 'cause I remember those cramped Mercedes sedans they used to shuttle us in."
- Reaffirmed commitment to work towards reversing the growth of greenhouse gasses. Prediction: next year's Academy Award winning film-inspired action will be to remove all coinage from circulation, in order to limit the spread of Javier Bardem, friend-o.
- About Iraq, Bush laid the groundwork for a potential early fall 2008 invasion of Baghdad. The idea harkens back to the glory days of 2003 when the vast liberal media conspiracy vastly and liberally mediated their conspiratorial news stories by parroting the administration's foreign policy verbatim, in fact directly from the talking points distributed at the 1600 P.A. lemonade stand by Scooter Libby.
- Promised to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict by December 2008. He then started to re-tell his Sultan bin Abdul Aziz story, before Jeffrey got his attention and focused him back on the TelePrompTer.
If I seem sardonic in this post, it's just because my stomach is upset. Actually, I missed most of the speech as a result. By "most," I mean "all." But, I do sincerely apologize if I come across as skeptical.
In summary, I found the speech to be inspiring, the President to be more handsome than ever, and could not be more thrilled to see 2008 play out in America. I didn't even mind having to wait longer than usual for the American Idol auditions. Had I watched the speech, I feel certain that I would be even more thrilled.
6 comments:
odd. so very odd.
hope your tummy's feeling better, odd man. =)
Dude, what did you eat yesterday?
Vegemite sandwich with Vegemite soup. Not a good combination.
Thanks, now I know what to stay away from before I post. They should make you sign a waiver before you eat that, stating you won't make any legally binding decisions or strange political posts withing 24 hours of consumption. ;)
I just assumed that if my wife can buy a pair of Uggs, I should be allowed to eat Vegemite.
Bad assumption.
I am impressed you can keep it down. Are you an australian at heart?
Post a Comment