Feuling the anti-animal agenda

I am writing this as a plea to my friends in the animal kingdom, particularly to the donkeys and elephants who seem to be particularly hated anymore. Please, please be careful of your actions, so as not to incite the animal-haters to even more disturbing heights of animal hatred. I can only imagine the dollar signs that cross Tim Bedore's eyes when he hears a story like the one I'm about to tell you, as he likely knows it's only a matter of time before he becomes the humanitalistic mouthpiece to compliment that nationalistic mouthpiece, Lou Dobbs. Can you even imagine this country without the elephants and the illegals? It would be a country not worth loving.

Here's what happened, according to the vast liberal media: an American human was walking around Wild Elephant Valley in the Xishuangbanna region of the Yunnan province in China, near dusk. The man, Jeremy Allen McGill, is an English teacher in Wuhan. According to reports, the elephant picked the man up using his considerable trunk, and tossed him to the ground. This resulted in fractured ribs, stomach injuries, and a fear of elephants.

Here's what the liberal media won't tell you: an American human was walking around Wild Elephant Valley in the Xishuangbanna region of the Yunnan province in China, near dusk. The man, Jeremy Allen McGill, is an English teacher in Wuhan. He was carrying with him an "English for Dummies" book, and attempting to teach the elephant his native tongue. When the elephant was unable, he proceeded to taunt the elephant with insults such as "how are you gonna take over the world, when you can't even learn English?," and "if elephants have such great memories, why doesn't that affect my frustration about your inability to remember how to effectively use the words affect and effect?," and "don't raise your trunk at me ... you do not want to raise that trunk at me ... did you hear me? Are you deaf? Holy crap ................ NOOOOOOOOOO ...... PUT ME DOOOOWWN ........ I'll be NIIIICE!!!!"

THUMP.

Click for a location map of the festivities

As is usually the case, this is another example of an elephant being verbally assaulted, reacting as any of us would, and then being made out by the vast liberal media to be an animal because of it. If you humans learn anything from this, it's to let elephants be elephants. Don't try to Americanize them, and by all means never taunt their inability to capture the exceeding complexities of the English language.