Last Thursday, Senator John McCain and wife, Cindy, hopped on board their brand spankin' new custom RV, and drove from their winter home in Sun City West, Arizona across Interstate 10 to Florida, where they set up camp with good friends Pam and Pat Prescott, in Sun City Center, Florida. Along the way, Johnny ate seven meals at Cracker Barrel, obliviously ran twelve Honda Civics off the road (including two hybrids in a ten minute span near San Antonio), and used the on board facilities three-hundred and seventy-two times (over one hundred in Texas alone).
The long journey was worth it, as he watched the results come in during a late 5:00 dinner at the local Bob Evans, with dozens of his supporters. He picked up a key endorsement along the way, as former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani plans to drop out of the presidential race and to then endorse Johnny. Coincidentally, Rudy was at his new home over at the corner of Del Webb Blvd and Del Webb Ave during the festivities, and is reported to be positioning himself for the Vice Presidential nomination. He could not be reached for comment as he was busy having his lawyer draft divorce papers. In related news, Senator Hillary Clinton ran away with the castrated Florida Democratic Primary, earning an astounding zero delegates for this summer's Democratic National Convention. Upon seeing television coverage of Hillary's victory, local 9-hole par three course record-holder Jean Walton turned to her husband and said, "Isn't that Fred Steinberg's new girlfriend? I think her name is Marjorie. I can't believe he's dating someone so much younger than him. Patsy told me that she heard from Jerri that Marjorie knows her way around a buffet, if you know what I mean." Milton Walton then stuttered half under his breath, "for pete's sake woman, do you ever stop talking? That's not Marjorie. That's Hillary Clinton. The former president's wife. For Fred's sake I wish it was, because Marjorie is a horse." "What, honey? Did you say something?," retorted Jean quizzically.
During his victory speech, Johnny stated boisterously, "Tonight, my friends, we celebrate. Tomorrow, it's back to lawn bowling and involuntary mid-conversational naps."
13 comments:
For your sake, I hope Jean Walton does not see this post. She knows me, I know where you live, and I can be bought.
Keep your nose clean, young man. You never know who might be reading ........
I need to lay off the halucinogens when writing these, apparently.
Honestly, I think Jean & Milt need to worry about Fred & Marjorie coming after them, and not so much about getting back at me. ;-)
Possibly, but Brad and Melanie and their dog, Kitty, are heavily invested in this little tiff as well, so it could get ugly all around. Maybe they all need to go learn some things at the zoo.
Is this Brad Walton the media psychic?
If I was referring to Brad Walton, he wouldn't know it, as his psychic abilities leave a lot to be desired. He doesn't even know what Jean is doing half the time.
No, I was referring to Brad Pendleton, the cook at the Sun City Cracker Barrel, who, ironically, drives a hybrid Civic. Anyway, Jean really shouldn't have kicked Kitty, especially while Melanie was within earshot. It's not a pretty picture.
In Jean's defense, Kitty constantly, constantly was latching onto her pant leg and snipping at her fingers. I probably would have done the same thing, in her shoes.
Well, let's just say, if you'd done the same thing in her shoes that Kitty did in her shoes, I wouldn't have blamed Jean for kicking you. That or filing a civil suit.
Good thing Tara came through the ordeal unscathed.
Please don't bring Tara into this. If there's anyone who deserves to get kicked, it's Tara. It was her dog-walking business that set this all into motion, and I saw her on more than one occasion giving Kitty extra leash when Jean & Maevis were out walking. And she knows how much Jean hates dogs.
Maevis? Now there's a barrel of worms I'm not going to touch.
Tara, in my opinion, has been grossly misrepresented in the popular media, particularly by CNN, FOX, and The Cooking Network. That whole thing about canine cuisine in Asia was blown way out of proportion.
I wasn't going to say anything, but the special at Bob Evans today was "Korean Beef over rice". Need I point out that Tara recently joined the kitchen staff there?
I'm not making any firm claims here, but I'm not sure I'd be too keen on trying the "special," if you know what I mean.
Needless to say, I fall on the side of The Cooking Network and their vast liberal media conspiracy cohorts in their portrayal of Miss Tara Sue. Spot on, in my exceedingly humble opinion.
Fine. You're forcing me to address the Maevis issue.
You probably aren't aware that Maevis is actually Tara's birth mother. She has known that for years, but Tara was always unaware. Well, recently Tara discovered this while digging through some old baptismal records at the First Korean Methodist Church. When she tried to approach Maevis about it, Maevis was so overwhelmed by residual embarassment that she ran away and cried herself to sleep. To this day, Maevis has not been able to bring herself to look at Tara, much less speak to her.
OK, so Tara then, knowing her Asian maternal heritage and deeply wounded by the perceived double-rejection, has kind of slipped off the deep end. But, the truth is, her ensuing behavior is really no different, legally (and emotionally), than acts of extreme self-defense or crimes committed in the heat of passion. The media just needs to lay off the case and concentrate their wiles on how bad Obama is.
Ok. You've made your point, and you've made it eloquently. I'll lay off Tara for now.
But, she needs to get some help.
Apparently, so does Obama.
:-)
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